Why a Narcissist Cheats but Wants You Back

Dealing with a narcissist in a relationship is a challenging experience, especially when they choose to cheat and then inexplicably want you back. To understand this behavior, it's crucial to grasp the personality traits and motivations that drive a narcissist's actions.

Understanding Malignant Narcissism

A malignant narcissist is not driven by genuine love or emotional connection. Instead, they are motivated by the need to control and manipulate their environment. They aim to prove their dominance in every interaction, whether it's a break-up or re-engagement.

Re-engagement After a Break-Up

The two primary reasons a narcissist tries to re-engage after a break-up are:

If they did not initiate the break-up: They believe they are the ones who hold the power and can dictate the terms of the relationship. Consequently, they may try to get back together because 'it's not over until they say it's over.' If they did initiate the break-up: They might have aimed to play with your emotions, using you as a toy, a pawn in their game, until they eventually get bored or the interest fades. This is a form of psychological manipulation called the 'yo-yo' effect, where they get back together, break up, and then repeat the cycle until the novelty wears off.

A Malignant Narcissist as an Appliance

A narcissist views their partner as an appliance, such as a microwave or a cigarette lighter, which can be replaced at any time. Their main purpose is to provide something they need, whether it's sex, validation, stroking their ego, a place to live, or money. They will continue to exploit these needs until you voice your dissatisfaction, and at that point, they might move on to the next person.

Your partner, as a narcissist, does not recognize you as a human being with needs, desires, and emotions. Instead, you are seen as a tool or a toy to be used and discarded when no longer needed. This reinforces the concept of emotional manipulation and psychological abuse in relationships.

The Cycle of Abuse

The cycle of abuse in a narcissistic relationship often follows a pattern of idealization, devaluation, and discard, then repeating the process. This cycle goes around and around, and it is up to you to break it. As long as you continue to provide what they need, they will continue to take, often to their detriment.

Narcissists are often emotionally and psychologically abusive, treating you not as an equal but as a means to an end. This kind of behavior can be harmful and toxic for both parties in the relationship.

The Golden Rule: No Contact

'(No contact)!!!'

The golden rule in dealing with a narcissist is to cut them off completely and block them. Moving forward with your life and ensuring that you don't engage in any form of communication with them, including virtual, is crucial. Their promises to change and take you back are just part of their manipulative tactics, and they do not have the capacity to change their behavior.

Remember, you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and emotional stability. No one should have to tolerate emotionally abusive or manipulative behavior, and you deserve better.

Living Without a Narcissist

Breaking free from a narcissist and moving on can be challenging, but it is possible. Focus on self-care, surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and seek professional help if needed. The end goal is to heal and move forward into a life filled with joy, dignity, and respect.

Cheating and then wanting to be back in a relationship is a clear sign that the narcissist is not motivated by true love or emotional connection. If you ever find yourself in such a situation, it is essential to prioritize your well-being and consider cutting ties.