Navigating Breakups and Dealing with Rejection from a Narcissist
When a relationship ends, the pain and confusion can be overwhelming. However, when the signs of a silent treatment or a discard are present, dealing with these feelings can be even more challenging, especially if your partner shows signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Understanding the Silent Treatment and Discard
If you've been receiving no communication from your partner for an entire month, and when you do try to reach out, your message is ignored, it is more than likely a sign of a silent treatment or a discard. A silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse where your partner intentionally avoids communication to make you feel unwanted or unimportant. Similarly, a discard is when a person pulls away because they are no longer interested in the relationship for personal reasons.
It is often tempting to keep sending messages, hoping for a response, or to continue to look for answers through online forums. However, it is essential to understand that prolonged engagement in these behaviors can be emotionally draining and fruitless. Instead, it is best to respect your own emotional boundaries and take steps to move forward.
Dealing with Manipulative and Abusive Behavior
Your ex may come back into your life at a later stage, especially when he sees that you are vulnerable or in need. This behavior is not about love but rather about manipulation and control. When he reappears, he might try to brush off past issues or attempt to manipulate you into taking him back. Do not fall for his tactics and be prepared for further disappointment.
For example, your ex may have come back after blocking you for three months, acting as if everything is normal and saying he never wanted anything more to do with the relationship. He may also show anger when you refuse to take him back, treating you like property. This behavior indicates a pattern of control and manipulation, and it is essential to recognize and avoid it.
The Hoover: A Psychological Tool Employed by Narcissists
In some cases, narcissists may use a psychological technique called the HOOVER. This term is derived from the vacuum cleaner as it symbolizes the act of sucking a person back into their world. The HOOVER is a method used to manipulate and regain control over someone who has broken free from the relationship. This can include a series of strategies such as offering love, attention, or material benefits to re-engage the other person.
Narcissistic individuals may exhibit these behaviors even if they don’t fully fit the criteria for NPD. It is important to recognize that while everyone can feel a certain level of narcissism, a true NPD individual will prioritize their own needs above others, often at the expense of the person they claim to love or be interested in.
Seeking Understanding and Healing
Your hurt feelings are valid, and it's essential to address them head-on. Dwelling on the pain may not be the best route, but asking the other person why they withdrew or treated you the way they did can provide clarity and help you understand the situation better. However, be prepared for the possibility that you might not receive an answer, or the answer you do receive might be cutting or blame-filled.
Although it can be difficult to distinguish whether your partner is genuinely narcissistic or if they were acting out of self-preservation, it is crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being. Set boundaries and focus on your own healing. Understand that moving forward from such an experience is not just about you—it's about reclaiming your sense of self and learning to trust your own instincts.
Conclusion
Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging, but with the right mindset and boundaries, you can emerge stronger and more resilient. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and love, and understanding the dynamics of a discard or a silent treatment can help you take the necessary steps towards healing and moving forward.